adventures-in-theatre:

• so you know how everyone has a story
• you know
• like the story
• like if you’re at a party and someone turns to you and says, tell the story
• and you know exactly what they mean
• the story
• well 
• i have a story
• and not unlike most good stories, it involves three key components:
• barack obama
• pre-2008 reebok sneakers 
• and the absolute earth-shattering horror you can only feel after making the worst mistake of your life 

• so here we go
• it all began eight years ago
• (i was a gangly child then) 
• and barack obama came to town
• (when i was a young girl)
• (my father took me out into the city)
• (to see the president of the united states, obama) 
• (barack obama)
• except it wasn’t the city but where my parents worked 
• and my mother was hired to take pictures of obama shaking the hands of others
• (rich people)
• (ceo’s) 
• (people who didn’t wear reeboks to meet the president)
• so i skipped school to see obama
• (naturally) 
• (but my teacher was a republican so it still counted as an absence) 
• and the adventure begun
• but as i soon learned
• most of the adventure was waiting in a large room with my mother and some secret service men for roughly eight hours 
• because there is no timing with obama
• (barack obama)
• no one can know when obama is supposed to be there
• (barack obama)
• there is no, like, obama warning system
• (barack)
• it’s just that one second he’s not there
• and the next second
• he’s there
• (barack obama)
• so it was eight hours
• and i remember nothing from those eight hours except for when one of the secret service men tried to talk to me
• ‘how are your studies,’ he said
• how’s school, he probably meant
• but i didn’t understand at the time
• i was a gangly child
• i was scared
• he was tall
• (i cried)
• and then all of a sudden
• (about eight hours into the eight hours)
• he was there
• (barack obama)
• he was beauty 
• he was grace
• he was
• (barack obama)
• he walked into the room
• he wasn’t wearing reeboks 
• (i noticed)
• (i began to feel i’d made a mistake)
• my mother took pictures of him shaking the hands of others
• (rich people)
• (ceo’s)
• (none of whom were wearing reeboks) 
• and at the very end
• obama began to leave 
• (barack obama)
• i was happy enough to have graced his presence
• but my parents
• my parents were not happy
• they needed more
• ‘mr. obama,’ they called
• and they pointed to me
• ‘of course,’ obama said
• (barack obama)
• he’s so nice, i thought
• and then it hit me
• oh no, i thought
• oh yes, my parents thought at some point, probably
• i’m obama, obama thought, most likely
• i was going to meet obama
• up close and personal
• obama
• (barack obama)
• the rest was a blur
• and the next thing i knew i was there
• with obama
• (barack obama)
• his hand was shaking my hand
• his hand was on my hand
• (nothing had ever felt so right)
• ‘so what’s you’re name,’ he asked 
• (with obama’s voice)
• (because he was obama)
• (barack obama)
• and i almost forgot but i told him
• and he said it correctly even though it’s weird 
• (obama said my name)
• and we were off to a good start
• how was i to know
• how was i to know the horrors to come
• ‘so how old are you,’ he asked then
• and that’s when this dream became a nightmare
• ‘twelve,’ i said
• a seemingly innocent answer
• but here’s the thing
• i was 
• thirteen. 
• (thirteen)
• (13)
• (12+1)
• (16-3)
• (13.0)
• (Thirteen.) 
• what have i done, i thought
• (panic! at the election)
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3LGopSVju4
  
• i still don’t know why i did it
• did i really forget? 
• did i do it for the thrill of the chase?
• to see if i could?
• maybe
• but obama didn’t know
• i did it, i thought, i lied
• i lied to the president of the united states
• i pulled it off
• the greatest lie in history
• the greatest heist
• (i didn’t know what a heist was)
• (i was thirteen)
• ‘oh so you’re in 6th grade then,’ obama said
• shit.
• i was so close
• shit what do i say, i thought
• the journey is not over
• the nightmare rages on
• what do i say
• i open my mouth to say, yes
• ‘no,’ i say
• what the fuck, i think 
• ‘no i’m in 7th grade” 
• (because i was)
• maybe he won’t know, i thought
• but he did.
• (obama’s been around the block)
• (obama knows what’s up)
• ‘so you’re ahead of your class, then’ he said
• (i wasn’t)
• (i failed basic math at least twice by this time)
• ‘yes,’ i said, just wanting this nightmare to be over
• just wanting the lie to end
• for obama to call me out on my shit and arrest me
• to spend the rest of my youth locked away in prison where i couldn’t hurt anyone any more with my lies
• i waited
• i waited for arrest
• but arrest didn’t come
• and that was even worse.
• obama trusted me
• obama thought i was a good kid
• obama thought i was ahead of my class 
• (ahead of my class) 
• i let him down
• i let obama down
• (barack obama)
• i watched him leave
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYNH1baA_7k
• obama, i mouthed out after him
• obama i’m sorry
• (he trusted me)
• why did i do it, you ask
• i don’t know
• after all these years
• i still don’t know
• it still haunts me
• i still wake up at night, shaking, and i think
• i lied to the president of the united states
• (twice)
• the photographic evidence of my nightmare hangs in my father’s office
• i’m smiling through my pain
• i’m wearing reeboks
• obama is not
• (barack obama)
• i hope that someday, after obama’s retirement 
• we can put this all behind us and start anew 
• start fresh
• (no more lies)
• (no more deceit)
• but i’m not naive
• i know that we can never really go back
• back to the way things were
• five seconds after i met him but five seconds before i lied
• but i can dream
• i can hope
• obama
• obama i’m sorry
• (barack obama)