me: *has A Single Emotion*
me: 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍹🍹🍹🍹🍷🍷🍷🍹🍹🍹🍻🍻🍺🍺🍻🍻🍻🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍷🍷🍷🍷🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍻🍻🍻🍺🍺🍺🍺🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸
Tag: mood
my heart is full of hate and swag
can’t stop thinking about the cursed freaky friday dvd we got
Elaborate
so when freaky friday came out my family was OBSESSED like we rented it to the point where we decided to buy it but we couldn’t find a copy anywhere until we got one at a gas station on the edge of town. immediately we brought it home and turned it on. we couldn’t figure out how to turn the subtitles off but we loved it so much so we didn’t care. until a few minutes in. gradually the subtitles stopped matching the actual dialogue and at first it was like casual conversation that we didn’t think anything of then it started saying like “get in the car” and “they’ll never find you” and all this weird shit. we kept reading out of curiousity but then the sound cut out and it made a hissing noise. there was a deep voice that said “where’s bob” which is my dad who wasn’t home at the time so my mom hopped up and threw that fucker out
this didn’t stop our love so we bought another at walmart and didn’t have a problem
ok this is “earring magic ken” who was introduced in 1992 (and discontinued shortly thereafter)
basically mattel had done a survey and discovered that girls didn’t think ken was “cool” enough
SO someone had the bright idea to research coolness by sending people to raves which, at the time, were mostly hosted & attended by gay men. so they went to these raves and took notes on what the fashions were and finally landed on this outfit, mesh shirt & all
this doll became the best selling ken doll in history, mostly because gay men bought it in droves. (many of them said his necklace was supposed to be a cockring) but mattel and a number of parents weren’t very amused and discontinued the doll
OH MY GOD YOU’RE LEAVING OUT THE BEST PART
SO
MAGIC EARRING KEN. This bitch gay as HELL. supposedly the aforementioned rings on him are for “magic earrings” and clip on charms. These charms are advertised as totally COMPLETELY heterosexual, not gay at ALL, see there’s a Barbie that also has Magic Earring Action with clip on charms! Ken wears them to match, because he’s STRAIGHT
Here’s the issue: THERE IS NO MATCHING BARBIE. Magic Earring Ken is out here straight up wearing cock rings on his jacket with a thinly devised advertising ploy to make it SEEM not-gay. But it’s DEFINITELY GAY.
(And if you’re thinking, why cock rings? Well way back in 1992 gay culture was HUGE on wearing cock rings, it was the in-style. Everyone who was gay wore one, even women; you sewed them to your leather jacket, and the placement indicated some of your sexual preference. In case you were wondering, Ken is a Bottom.)AND IT GETS BETTER. Magic Earring Ken was on the shelves for six weeks before they pulled him. In that short amount of time? Magic Earring Ken became the BEST SELLING Barbie Doll Mattel has EVER SOLD.
LET THAT SINK IN. SIX WEEKS. And now every time these wheezy old hetero windbag execs go to look at their sales board, they’re forever haunted by Magic Earring Ken at the top of their charts.Gay as hell, Cock Ring Bottom Ken, the Best Selling Mattel Doll.
Pride.please take the time out of your day to read about Magic Earring Ken™
gay history
no more ‘vampires who correct history books’
more vampires who don’t remember
more vampires saying ‘i don’t fucking know man, google it’
more vampires not remembering important historical figures
more vampires not recalling centuries worth of history
more vampires saying ‘ that was at least 300 years ago, how the FUCK could i remember that detail?’
more vampires whose brains work like human brainsMore vampires who 300 years later can’t remember what was the truth and what was the lie they told to get out of trouble.
More vampires who are like, “I don’t know, man, I spent most of that decade in an opium den.”
More vampires who weren’t paying attention because they didn’t think it would be important.
More vampires who don’t know because there was lot of conflicting gossip and they don’t want to point any fingers.
More vampires who are just bad at dates. “Back in 1620, or was it 1645, wait, what year is it now?”
More vampires who were on a totally different continent when it happened, so get off their back and stop asking them questions already.
YES to all of this but also consider: vampires who only remember the most trivial stuff.
“Oh yeah, the only thing I remember about the American Revolution was this nice candlemaker I met sometime, and she was wearing this really cute red shawl…”
“Uhhh I don’t remember much about the fall of Rome but there was this one fucking cobblestone right outside the coliseum…”
Also consider: vampires who realize three or four hundred years after the fact that they knew someone famous.
Just sits up in bed one night screaming “THAT WAS GEORGE GODDAMN WASHINGTON”
marshcookie 